It was dark. So dark. The blackness seemed to swirl around my feet with a sick thickness and foulness. I had no sensations, I had no feelings. I could think, yes, I could think. But I had nothing to think about. All would have been cold, if I could feel.
The darkness pressed heavily upon my mind. I knew nothing else. I had an inkling of something besides The Blackness but I could never fully realize what it might be. It was like I dwelled in some huge, infinite cave. Light never occurred to me. I felt entirely oppressed by the intense darkness, and I could not move. I only was. Then again, my being was useless. I saw nothing, I knew nothing, I did nothing. How I hated the intensity of the darkness!
For what seemed like infinite ages I existed in the Darkness. I was not. At least, I could not comprehend Being, the darkness was too oppressive for that. I had no comprehension of the senses. It was so dark.
But then, I heard, or rather felt, something. At least that is what I remember. It was very small. In many ways it was fainter that the softest breeze on a cool spring evening. So faint was the sound. So faint. Yet it grew. Slowly but surely the sound grew. The whisper became a low buzzing, the buzzing a rushing, the rushing a howling, the howling a roaring and the roaring a complete cacophony of utter noise. My ears had no experience with this thing called sound. It was so intense! In an instant I had forgotten the foul Darkness, and my mind was transfixed on this War of Noise. I strained to discern what the noises were, to split the sound into discernable pieces, but it was very difficult. I strained and I strained, hoping against all hope to hear. Hope. A concept so foreign to me then. Funny that I did not notice it. Regardless, my hope was answered. For the voices became as one voice: One Loud, Awesome, and Terrifying Voice. “Alleluia!” they shouted, “Salvation and glory and honor and power belong to the Lord our God! For true and righteous are His judgments, because He has judged the great harlot who corrupted the earth with her fornication; and He has avenged on her the blood of His servants shed by her.” Again, they shouted with a Voice both Terrible and Awesome to hear. “Alleluia! For the Lord God Omnipotent reigns! Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.” I put my hands over my ears, in a vain attempt to shut it out. It hurt so badly! I seem to remember turning and trying to run, but no matter where I ran the voices were there. All around me it was dark, so so dark. I could not see where I was going, nor did I have an idea. I was just trying to get away from that awful noise! Yet it surrounded me on all sides, I could not escape it. I tried to scream, to perhaps drown it out, but still it got louder and louder. I cursed the sound, I cursed the voices, I cursed God…. That thought gave me pause.
God? Was He responsible for these terrible voices? They praised God, they praised this one called the Lamb. God? I hated Him, and I hated His Voices. I cursed Him again, and I cursed Him louder and with a greater vehemence. I realized that I loved my darkness! Why could the voices not leave me alone??? I railed against God and His Voices, with a hatred born of Darkness. God? Who was He? I had lived quite well enough in my Darkness without Him. At least then there were no voices. Ah, how loud they were! How I hated them, and I hated Him! So Loud, so Terrible, so Awesome!
Then, silence. My Darkness was mine again. No noise, no voices. How I loved my darkness! But what was this? A small thing in front of me. It was not Darkness, this little thing. And then, with amazement, I saw the little thing in front of me grow and grow. The shock of the small thing quickly melted away as I realized that my Darkness was being invaded again! God! It was His fault! How I hated Him! “Curse you God!” I shouted, “leave me be!” With much satisfaction I noted how the little thing had left me. But then, a blaze of light blew up in front of my eyes, as if the Heavens themselves were being ripped asunder! I was bathed in light, my Darkness was again being invaded! How I hated the light! How DARE God put this Light in front of me. I shut my eyes, I did not wish to see the Light, for I hated it. I cursed God, and cursed Him again. I cursed Him with every word I knew, with every sound my frail lungs could utter. How I hated Him! My Will was strong, I would not look at the light, I would NOT! But my will was not the strongest, for Another made my open my eyes. As much as I resisted, the stronger Will made me see. And oh what a sight!
I looked, and behold, I saw a large white horse, and on this horse there rode a Rider. With dread I cowered. I wanted to run, but I was transfixed. Then, He started to ride a bit closer, and I got a better look at him. I did not wish to look, but for some reason I could not turn away. With a Dread Awe I beheld this Rider and I knew Him to be Faithful and True. With a sickening fear I realized that This Rider Judges and makes War with Righteousness. Righteousness? Where was I getting these foreign ideas? I shook my head, to try to be rid of them. I closed my eyes to shut myself away from this Awesome Rider, but again, I could not but raise my head and continue gazing upon Him. He had written on Him a name that He alone knew. Upon His head were many crowns, glistening and shinning in the intense rays of light. And His robe….His robe was not white like the horse. No, it was red: an intense, vibrant red. With a shudder I realized that it was wet blood. How I feared Him! Everything inside of me said to run, to flee from the presence of this Warrior, but I could not! Still my eyes remained locked on him, my feet unable to move. His name was The Word of God, and behind Him was marshaled an army innumerable, a Host of Men and Women on white horses, and wearing white linens. How vast and how mighty was this Army! A Sword came forth out of the Warriors mouth, and with it He rules the nations. It is He who rules the nations with a rod of iron. It is He Himself who treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS. Oh God let me flee from the face of the Lamb!!!!
Then I heard a loud voice call out above me. I looked, and behold, there was a fierce and mighty angelic being in the air, and he called out to all the birds that fly in the midst of heaven, “Come and gather together for the supper of the great God, that you may eat the flesh of kings, the flesh of captains, the flesh of mighty men, the flesh of horses and of those who sit on them, and the flesh of all people, free and slave, both small and great.” At these words there was a terrible sound, as of a rushing wind, and I looked, and above the angel there appeared a vast and immeasurable host of birds, large and small: vultures, eagles, hawks, falcons, and more of their kind. All were beating their wings excitedly; circling, waiting for the coming slaughter. Steadily their excitement grew, and the sound of their flapping wings and foul screeches grew more and more intense, until I thought that there was no sound on heaven or earth that could be more terrible. Then, I heard the drums. Steadily they beat, with a sound conceived from nightmares and terrors. With each beat the birds as one screeched with delight, but as I looked around left and right, up and down, before me and behind me, I could not discern where the noise came from. And then I saw them. As I looked, a terrible Beast appeared over the rise behind me and behind him rode his kings on evil black mounts. Together they commanded a vast and terrible army for the Beast. There were men and women of every tribe, tongue, and nation. With hatred they spewed forth curses at the Warrior, with utter disgust they screamed for His blood and for the death of the Fair Forces of Heaven. As the vast host cleared the ridge the drum beats grew louder and louder. With each beat the birds were driven more and more into a mad frenzy, shrieking wildly, fully anticipating the vast carnage that would soon be their great feast. The screams and shouts, the shrieks and beats of the drums grew louder and louder, until the whole earth shook as if it were in the throws of a terrible earthquake. Finally, just when I thought it could get no louder, the drums stopped, and the birds grew eerily quiet. The Beast and His servants had come to make war with the Army of the Lamb. Both sides were separated by a mere field. In the deep breath before the terrible storm, every man, woman, child, beast of the earth, and bird of the air grew quiet. My ears rang with the sudden silence, and with horror I realized that I stood in the middle of this very field of battle, wearing the clothes of the Army of the Beast. Frantically, I looked about all around me, straining to find a place of safety, but none could be found. Suddenly, I could not see the field I stood in, nor could I discern the two Armies, and with a start I realized that the sun had gone black, and everything around me was now bathed in a most unnatural red glow, for the moon had been covered as with blood. Her light was no longer the comfort it had always been, but rather she shone with the color of death. Then, out of the red haze, a yell such as has never been heard on heaven or earth, nor will ever be heard again went up from the Hosts of the Lamb, and with one loud, awesome voice, they charged. I tried to run from the coming carnage, but my eyes were fixed on the Warrior. His eyes were terrible and blazed with fire. His red robe billowed behind him as his white steed bore him ahead of the rest of His host as He joined the battle. And oh what a terrible battle it was! Through my tear-filled eyes and my ringing ears I heard and saw the carnage that the birds of the air had so eagerly anticipated. No one could stand before the Warrior. With the sword that came from His mouth He slew his enemies. None escaped His wrath. Heads rolled, eyes bulged, mouths screamed, and limbs were torn asunder. The stench of death rose from the ground and overwhelmed me. I dropped to the ground as one Dead.
Presently I awoke to a terrible pain and with horror I saw a large vulture tearing at the flesh of my legs. I screamed from the pain and batted the foul creature away from me. As I rose from the ground I looked around me and vomited. It was death. Utter death. None escaped the wrath of the Lamb. There were bones, so many bones. Some had been picked clean by the carrion, but many still had half-eaten eyeballs in the sockets, tendons not yet torn away, and flesh still attached. Some of the bodies were intact though unrecognizable, some were only bones, but many still were distinguishable. There were men, there were women, and there were children. As I watched, the birds continued to tear the flesh from the bones. I vomited again. Chocking back the tears and the screams that longed to escape from my parched lips I stood and saw HIM. The Warrior on his now blood-stained steed stood before me. My mouth grew even drier. My legs started to shake, and my head felt as if it was caught in the fiercest of gales. There is no other word to describe what I felt at that moment other than to say that it is worse than the imagination could EVER comprehend. It was like being stuck alive in the Nightmare of Nightmares. Then, the Warrior stepped towards me and I feared even more. Cowering, I fell down as He approached. Then, a strange thing happened: I felt shame. Shame of the hatred I had towards Him, shame of my love of the darkness, shame of my cowardice on this great battlefield, shame of the utter worthlessness that I felt. As He stepped in front of me I bowed my head and fell to the ground, resigned to my coming death.
But, He did not strike me down, He did not slay me as I felt he should have. No, at my moment of utter desperation and shame, he softly lifted up my head and I looked into His eyes and they were no longer the eyes of a fell Warrior in battle. The fire had left them and I now looked into eyes softer than a mother’s hug, eyes more tender than a fresh blossom, eyes more loving than a bride’s for her husband. They were deep and spoke of something more powerful than the Sword or the Shield. They were the eyes of mercy and grace, and their beauty has never been matched. As I looked on Him, He discarded His bloodstained robe and His Golden Crowns, and I saw a large gash in His side. I saw large gaping holes in His hands and His feet. I saw a blood-caked scar circling the top of His head. With tears in my eyes, and with my voice caught in my throat, I whispered “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner”.
Then, with Pure Love in His Kingly eyes, He motioned to one of His servants, and they handed Him a pure robe, white as snow, and as bright as the sun. With a touch of His hand, I felt the dirt and blood that covered my body wash away. I felt my wounds be healed, and my life restored. With newfound strength I stood and He placed the white robe about me and said “Come with Me, my Son, and join the feast!”
Then, He motioned with His hand, and as the light of the sun returned in all its glory I saw His vast army. All were there, and none had been lost in the battle. The look of victory was upon their faces, and all wore expressions of utter joy and love for their warrior. Their robes were stained with the blood of their enemies, their skin marked with the flesh of their foes. But as I looked upon them, the blood began to disappear from their legs, then from their arms, then from their torsos, then from their faces before finally there was an incredible explosion of light and I beheld that no longer were their robes stained red, but they all wore robes as pure as mine. And I looked besides me, my Lord once again had donned a robe, but His was whiter than any, and purer then pure. Then, He led me by the hand and the vast host parted before us as we walked up the hill. At the top I looked and behold, there was laid out a feast so large that it was impossible for me to take it in. There were tables stretching out as far as my eyes could see, there was food to feed billions, a bounty so large, so vast, it would take one an eternity to consume it. But I forgot the feast when I beheld the dais set up in the middle of the tables. For upon that dais there sat The Throne. The Throne of God, the Throne of the Father. And with my new eyes, I beheld His Glory. No words can describe it. The only way I know how to explain it is to encourage you to think of the one thing on earth that gives you what could be described as Ultimate Pleasure, then multiply it by infinity, and maybe you’ll be able to understand a little of what it is like to behold the Glory of God. Then, the Warrior led me to my seat and sat me down, and the whole host joined me in their seats. As I sat, Christ walked up to the dais and sat down at the Right Hand of the Father. Then, though I do not know who started it (I think we all did simultaneously), we broke into the highest expression of worship that we could express, and we the Bride feast with Christ our Bridegroom.
I who once hated Christ and all He stood for, now love Him. I who hated the light and loved my darkness now dwell in the most awesome light imaginable, where there is no darkness, where sorrow and shame are gone, and where sickness and death are remembered no more. I dwell in the Land of Jesus, at the Feast of Heaven, in the Presence of Yahweh, and with the Multitudes of the Saints; and I worship Christ, the Lamb who was Slain and Rose Again, my Savior, Commander, Redeemer, and Friend. He is the Mighty Warrior, and He has Won my Victory.
